There were ten of us living in the same house – a bit crazy at times, but we loved each other and had tons of fun!! I think we had more fun than the sorority next door. When they had “rush week” we sat lazily on the front porch, watching the sorority wannabes dressed to the nines, giggling and whispering as they entered the world of Tri-Delta next door. We decided to have “take your time” week. No rush here. Just hanging out in our comfy clothes, loving each other.
So, what does that have to do with stature? Well, we were all on the edge of graduating and thinking about our futures. Of course, there was the hope of a future mate, and one night we started talking about our list. You know, the list of qualities you want in someone. As we shared our dream list, Cathy, who was very tall and carried herself so well, declared that she wanted “stature” in her man. He could have others qualities like nice eyes, kind heart, cute butt (I know! We are Christian women but we are human too!) Christian beliefs, a love for God, and on, but many times on our group list we emphasized “stature.” I never met Cathy’s husband so I’m not sure how much stature he had but that day it was soooo important!
I’ve been thinking about that list that hangs out in the back of our minds that we compare the single men in our lives to. I wanted someone like Steve from 5th grade. He had red hair, freckles, a cute smile and he was really nice to me. Plus, his mom was my piano teacher so I got to see him after school too! I remember square dancing in gym class and was in heaven when Steve was my partner! It was a thrill to hold hands with him as we promenaded around the room. Ahhh, Steve!
So, my list started with kind, nice, cute. And someone who had respect for me, enough to talk kindly to me, just because that’s the way he was, not because he was trying to impress me.
As the years passed I added to the list the things I knew I didn’t want! I didn’t want someone who was sarcastic, or needed a lot of attention socially or could only talk about himself. I always found myself drawn to the quiet ones. (For more details on that list, you can read “The Quest for Prince Charming – Oh the Frogs!”)
Growing up in a traditional, conservative church background there was a list already made for me in many ways. You didn’t drink, smoke, dance or chew or go with boys who do! Add to that anyone who was divorced, or had any sordid background and he was off the list. As I got older, that narrowed the field considerably as many of the Christian men I met were divorced, had done drugs, and had interesting pasts! I decided a long time ago, after seeing so many divorces that I NEVER wanted to marry someone who was divorced and had any children from that divorce because I NEVER wanted to deal with the ex-wife. I had heard horror stories of the struggle after the divorce so I told God I NEVER wanted to marry someone who was divorced with children. NEVER!
Then you want someone who can be the spiritual leader of the household, someone who can support you and a family, someone who is healthy, eats right, exercises, dresses nicely, and can hold a conversation with others at a party. Then let’s add a bit of chivalry, nice manners, and a clean sense of humor. Oh, and did I mention, he would need to like my family and my family would need to like him, at least enough to be comfortable around him at family gatherings.
It would be nice if we could meet at church, be in the same ministry and serve together, like the same kinds of music and movies, have similar political views (which wasn’t a hard one as I didn’t care much for politics!) and of course he had to have stature!!!!!! If we could be close enough to casually get together for lunch it would help greatly as long distance relationships make it difficult to know the person on a daily basis.
And of course, the most important thing on the list – he would need to like me and accept me just as I am, warts and all, on bad hair days, bloated days, zit days, not enough sleep days, and PMS days. I needed someone who wasn’t looking for a good cook as I am not one (just ask my brother about the first batch of biscuits I made!), someone who could accept my independent nature and need to be busy, someone who thought I was funny, beautiful, smart, sexy and talented. And, last but not least, someone who could listen, really listen to my heart.
So, there you go! There’s my list! Not too long. Thorough. Complete. Biblically based (well most of it!). Philippians 4:19 says “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” This was my list of needs – the things I needed to be complete, happy, content, with God’s best for me! Right? This is what a healthy, thriving relationship needs, right? Right??